tHat Is soOoOo sAd....

over lunch, my colleague was saying how this particular teacher will come to school everyday, even during saturdays and in the school hols too! she will jus bring along korean dramas to watch to while her time away...

n before you come to the conclusion that the teacher is crazy or probably has to supervise some kids for some CCA, i must say that she doesn't.

she fainted at home once and then regained consiousness on her own. she is still single and does not have anyone else at home. so she will rather come to school and stay until 6 pm every day, even during the hols... cos she figures that should she faint again, at least there will be pple in school to help.

on another note, my fabulous CT is actualli hated by one of my students. Oh my goodness! and to think that she was trying to pull thru one of the lessons despite having very bad gastric pain. tsk tsk tsk these students ah...

and my students jus stood by and watched while i struggled with getting the projector to work. nobody offered to help only cheering that the projector isn't working... This is the second time this has happened to me... in the same class... sometimes wonder if they had pulled out the wires to sabotage my lesson... i dun have problems in other classes! i was really close to tears...

teaching realli isn't easy... it requires so much sacrifices, personal time, your love life even, your health (esp when lunch is quite a luxury.), finding the right resources to make sure the students learn and crossing your fingers that they will like u and not hate u so much they wanna do voodoo on u...

feel like finding all the teachers that taught me in the past and giving them a good hug! thank u so much!

ItS bEeN a WhiLe

been a long while since i last posted a comment.

so much has happened that i dun even noe where to start.

i went on a roller coaster of sorts within this two weeks; from loving the school and raring to start, to wanting to throw in the towel and dreading going to school every morning to being happy again that students are enjoying my teaching methods and paying attention, to being upset over my sup said about my lesson and feeling comforted by comments from my CTs.

I guess it really isn't easy being a teacher. No wonder teachers can end up going crazy. Sometimes i almost see myself in those unmarried, middle aged teachers who are still teaching. Maybe 20 years down the road that will be what i will be like, temperamental and cranky and called a old witch by my students. What a scary thought, but what can i do? I am just not pretty enough to catch the attention of anyone... Sighz

i lost to another gal again. cos she is indeed prettier, slimmer, a much better dresser, a great conversation starter... me? i am just not worth that second look... maybe not even that first look... sometimes i look in the mirror and ask why am i me? why am i not somebody else? i am so upset i wanna start throwing books. so sickening to see even the married male teachers trying to get close to her... so what if she has a beautiful face? why can't people see beyond appearances? or maybe we are jus not programmed to do so...

can't help feeling really inferior, it almost hurts when i hear others talk about their wonderful experience teaching and how their lesson went so well or how their students really love them. hurts so bad i wanna give up...

i went to a church event recently, something i haven't done in a good 8 years. wow time really flies, i am already 24 this year. but do i really want to go back to church? i don't really noe... will it make me happier? will it make my life more complete? i am not sure either? but why do my Christians friends all so seem at ease with their lives? so happy? so contented? is it becos of the church they attend? their pastor? their fellow cell group members?

and it doesn't help that my brother is not around cos he is away at army. he is my in house counsellor and now i feel really lost without him. sometimes i just feel like crying... there seems to be nobody who really understands me... i miss my NUS friends, miss my NIE friends... school can be so hostile at times...

looks like the tone of this posting is doomed to be a sad sad one.
been kind of depressed for a while.
hope i pick myself up real soon

eXpeNsiVe TeaChiNg + PuLaU BuKoM

jus so i truly become the ppt princess, i blew 139 dollars on a remote control for the ppt slides... ha ha very very worth it, at least now do more justice to my slides... and another 10 bucks on a laptop lock and more money on flashboards, paper for making pirates hat... teaching is incurring a lot of cost and time and energy... sapped

took students on a fieldtrip to pulau bukom today to discover oil refining. ha ha so stressful being the teacher in charge of things. so afraid they will fall, so scared they might jump into the pool, fall into the sea... had many near panic attacks... can really shorten my life span man!!